The Therapy Booth

resting, doodling and holding love signs

Doing Our Best

your best

We hear a lot of platitudes about how we should be seeing and responding to other people: as if they’re you; as if they might be having a bad day; as if they are your beloved incarnate; as if you can’t imagine what they might be experiencing and why; as if they’re doing their best.

While I’m not suggesting closing our hearts to others, I’m suggesting that we live that gentleness right here at home first.

Okay fellas, hang in with me through this part. You’ll relate, even if it doesn’t seem like it at first: Most months, every twenty-ish days or so, I start to notice a physical and emotional buzzing in my body. I relate it with hormones and my good old friend PMS. Oh how we have a love/hate thing going! Mostly hate, yeah, most of the time, but for little treasures like today’s post, sometimes the love peeks through.

Who’d have thought one could have love for something like PMS, where patience is down the drain, where righteousness is at its peak, where fatigue and weeping take the lead and everything seems so-much-more-dismal than on other days? And, listen, this isn’t just for the ladies who go through these hormonal changes. Or only for women who do (yes, there is that rare female who somehow escapes the wild ride of PMS). It’s for everyone because I know everyone has moments! We all do!

So, what if, when our rage-i-ness, our irritability and short temper and judgments flare up, they’re met with a pause and some space? What if we turn toward ourselves, right as that “Fuck you, I can’t stand you!” thought comes up when we see a post on Facebook that annoys us or when fear comes when we don’t know where we’re going to live next and our lease is winding down (I’m living something of the like currently!), and we pause? We rest, just for a few seconds, and let the thoughts rip, let the energy blaze through the body, and we see in them our own innocence.

We have such expectations on ourselves that we be kind, generous, compassionate, friendly and understanding, and sometimes that’s just not the case! So can we be free to relax into exactly what’s coming through, thereby tapping into the heart of true compassion? From where I sit, this is where the heart lies.

It seems for us nicey-nice types, this is an unwinding and allowing that can take some practice. And there’s great, great benefit in practices like Living Inquiries that get us into the direct recognition of the innocence of all of this coming through, however it appears. So, even if you’re experiencing hating yourself, you can still touch this compassion within that. See that you are doing your absolute best, no matter what.

I feel that it’s this generosity toward ourselves in our direct experience that fosters that outward love, that universal generosity. But I warn against mental generosity, whether toward others or toward ourselves, if that’s not what’s truly felt. How often have you said or heard someone else say, “Well, I know that he’s just doing his best,” when inside you’re thinking, “Screw that guy! I hate him!”

Again, please don’t get me wrong. I’m not trying to fan the flames of negativity, but I’m trying to give it its day — its honest and authentic day.

Yesterday I was sitting on the couch with my roommate chatting and I took offense at something she said, and out of my mouth came the words, “So fucking what!” And then I felt really awkward because I might have misunderstood where she was coming from or maybe I didn’t, but I wasn’t comfortable with my snarkiness and its accompanying words. Through a mix of my scrambled apologies and continued righteousness, went on with our chat. We were talking about wanting help, in fact, and she said that that’s just what seems to be coming up for everyone right now. And I agreed and said, “Yes, along with my hormones!” With which I know she can relate, and all went on without further incident.

As always, don’t take my word for any of this. Instead, take a moment, no matter what’s coming up, and see for yourself. Is this moment, full as it is, failing at anything? Isn’t it doing its absolute best?

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Looking in a Fresh Way: Individualized Deepening Courses


Deer in a Clearing by Albert Bierstadt

We call these courses Deepening, but we could also call them Clearing. Either way you name it, the Living Inquiries are a fresh way of exploring. For now, let’s drop the words inquiry, deepening and clearing, and let’s talk about the freshness.

Most of the time, when we come to address a problem, we’re thinking of solutions. Or we’ve been trying to think of solutions, but none of the thoughts we’re coming up with are working. I like to imagine that thoughts fall into two categories:

1. I’m okay, and here’s why.

2. I’m not okay, and here’s why.

The former often come with a sense of holding on, a movement of I hope this is right and I’m going to hold it in my mind til it proves out. The latter accompany strong sensations and images (and more thoughts) that seem to give irrefutable proof of their validity. Yes, he does hate me. I’m sure of it. And it’s because I’m disgusting.  

Wow, so much to sort out, so much to believe in, manage and hold onto (or shut off and push away). So much to be done.

Enter the freshness of the Living Inquiries: here, you get to rest. With the assistance of a facilitator, you are liberated of the responsibility of managing all of these thoughts and feelings. You’re given the space to feel and experience them all (nothing at all is negated) without having the added responsibility of making sense, explaining, changing or controlling any of it. You’re given the opportunity to rest and see it all coming and going and find out if there’s something there, in fact, that needs to be managed.

You may be thinking right now, “But if I don’t manage this, something awful will happen.” In a session, that thought is both welcomed and given its space, while also being seen directly as a coming and going of words, sounds, images and feelings. Do those words, inherently, carry truth? Let’s find out.

Even having written lots about the inquires and experiencing hundreds of hours of both facilitating and being facilitated, I find them hard to explain in brief. Letting explanations drop, I’m here to invite you to experience them directly, and, thereby, see more directly into your own experience. I’m offering a fresh approach to whatever you’ve been grappling with. Come meet with me and give yourself over to a new way of seeing (and drop any thought that you have about it now, as that, too, will be seen NOT to be it . . .).

I am now offering individualized deepening courses tailored to whatever’s on your mind. We can look from multiple angles, and, if this is something you’ve been stuck with for a while, I promise we can find something fresh here. A relief, perhaps, that hasn’t been experienced before.

Here are some possible topics for these four-session courses:

– a particular relationship
– work/career
– money
– decision making
– creativity
– your life’s purpose or passion
– physical health
– questions around awakening/enlightenment
– a specific compulsion (anything from substances to people to Facebook)
– fears and anxieties
– “negative” emotions
– women’s health (PMS, menopause, etc.)
– family/parents/children
– procrastination

The topics are endless, as there’s nothing that can’t be brought to inquiry, as you’ll see. If something on this list resonates for you, or if there’s something else that’s been on your mind that you just haven’t been able to sort out with other approaches, consider meeting with me and looking afresh.

Details of the Individual Deepening Courses:

If you’re new to the inquiries, you will receive a thorough introduction and get all of your questions answered. Each participant gets four individual inquiry sessions (held by Skype, phone or in person). I am in Central time zone (CST). Sessions last about an hour (sometimes a little less, sometimes a little more). They can be spread out over a few weeks or a few months, as scheduling and desire permits.

You will receive a copy of Scott Kiloby’s ebook, Living Relationship, that outlines and gives many examples of the inquiries and how they work.

Between sessions, we will stay in touch through email.

Please note that either an individual or group Deepening Course is a required prerequisite to any future facilitator training.

Read up on these inquiries, developed by Scott Kiloby, at

Contact me at with questions or to set up a course. Payments can be made through the PayPal button on this site or by check.

For more on Scott Kiloby and Living Inquiries, also see:

I very much look forward to meeting with you and to looking, inquiring, deepening and clearing together.

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A Wave to Create

Sometimes I feel this wave, this movement of energy in the body that seems to say, “Make something. Write something. Draw something.”


Tonight this wave is coming through as I’m about to turn off this computer and lie down. It’s been a sweet Valentine’s Day, not too much different from most other days, but I did seem to notice a rose-colored tinge on things.

The word Namaste was in my head as I was moving to head off to bed, and that sensation to express was there. As if I just wanted to turn to you, my friends, and wish you some sweet Valentine’s love, from your home away from home, here in The Therapy Booth.
If you didn’t already know, I’ve been working toward making us a proper home in a really cool Airstream motor home that I came across recently. Or it came across me — I don’t know. But it’s in my life and I’m having a definite romance with it. I’ll come back soon and share more about that.

Meanwhile, wishing you all the wellness in the world and big love from me to you.


rose colored glasses


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